Create a Schedule That Loves You Back!
Today we are discussing self care and the importance of having it built into the driving force of our lives- our schedule. We are going to give you a few places to start we think will give you the most bang for your buck, as far as feeling really good even with a demanding schedule. We often talk about self care as this ad on bonus item that we can attend to after everything that “really has to get done” has been accomplished. Even though we know that are most cared for selves make us stronger parents and that when we model healthy habits it greatly benefits our children, we sometimes need a reminder or even permission that yes, what we are desperately in need of is important. So I hope this serves as that reminder for you and a useful starting place to begin implement or revamp your own self-care routine. Not something that you sprinkle on when you can but a ritual and foundation that everything else gets to squeeze in around. Trust me, everything else- will thank you.
I’m going to make broad recommendations for improving four different areas of our lives, starting with the absolutely necessary for sanity and well-being and then moving up to supporting the parts of ourselves that crave joy and a sense of authentic self-expression. We are going to break this down in four steps that will benefit you, your personal goals and your relationships, including the parent-child relationship. I’ve created these steps using Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. I’m also including the Wide Awake Parenting tenets of Nourishment, Connection, Inspiration and Transformation to round out this self-loving schedule . So whip out your calendar and let’s basically blow it up so we can rebuild it into something more sustainable, energizing, vital and aligned with you.
Nourishment. This is the part of your routine that keeps your body happy and healthy so your mind is clear, peaceful, and focused. For motivation think of all the places and people you want to show up for every day in this state. The beauty of this schedule is it’s yours but in this step I will be the most specific, so here are some ideas of where to get started. Sleep, be specific, how many hours do you need to feel your best? Are you currently getting them? Schedule it in. Food, again what makes you feel your best? Do you need time to food prep? More time to shop? Schedule that in. Do you have a meditation routine you find beneficial but aren’t consistent with? Block off time for it. It doesn’t have to be an hour, we don’t have to go full Eat Pray Love, but what about 10 minutes? Actually write it in so you see a reminder everyday. Did you know that scheduling time for relaxation, a time to recharge and do absolutely nothing make us more productive? Schedule that in. Call your providers to schedule all the appointments you may have put off lately that help you feel your best. Doctors appointments, dental appointments, hair, skin, massage. Think about your physical routines that keep you in balance. This could be walks alone or with someone, going to the gym, a sport or physical practice you’ve been meaning to get back into. If you feel overwhelmed thinking about this first step, be kind to yourself and find a comfortable place to start. But make space for your courage here too. Caring for yourself in the way you know you deserve is easier if you have a daily reminder helping to hold you accountable. You may want to pause here, get this first step in place and then start to build on with the following steps. Remember, Nourishment is our first step because it will ground us as we make the changes we want to make in every other area of our life.
Set Boundaries on the things that bring you down. I highly recommend you pull out your current schedule (or maybe a copy of it) and start slashing everything that brings you dread. Yes, I understand some of it you cannot simply ignore or reality will start to fall apart. But notice it, highlight it and begin to question how the heck these things ended up in your schedule. There is usually much deeper work that needs to be done in this step. This project can help us gather our thoughts and feelings so we can have clear conversations that we may have been putting off with our partners or co-parents about equal sharing of responsibilities. Setting boundaries with those we love is always tough but when managed thoughtfully usually bring us closer together and feeling more united and supported. So start with congratulating yourself about being mindful that you despise some of this stuff in your schedule. It’s a necessary step in forming your new and improved schedule. Get curious and imaginative, it’s a great space to begin real problem-solving, What would it be like to be free of these obligations? And who could you bring in to help you with some of these obligations? This alone, this openness to wisdom and change will get your unconscious mind working on solving these problems for you. And step 1, your nourishment, is there to support you for when the answers come. So you are fueled up and feeling strong when you begin the often uncomfortable (but super necessary) work of setting and keeping boundaries for yourself.
Connection. This one is a little more fun. Look at where in your schedule you feel the most seen and connected. Can you expand on your time here? Who and what do you love spending time with? Protect that, foster it, put it in your schedule. What social groups or activities make you feel more than okay with your fellow human beings? Maybe even a little proud to be a human being? Hang there, with them. It’s good for your health. Not only do these connections bring us joy and love but when we make physical space in our schedule they act as a protective barrier to all the things we want to set a boundary with in Step 2. These are the supportive people and communities that encourage us to keep our boundaries and say no if, to be totally cliche here, we’re trying to live our best lives. We want to be connected to the communities and activities that want that for us and are cheering us on.
Inspiration and Creativity. Alright, if you are feeling depleted and like you are on a hamster wheel you can’t escape your response to this step is likely, when do I have time for this? Guess what, I’m not worried about it. If you create a schedule using the first 3 steps this one will happen naturally. Maybe not this week, or even this month. But love is fierce and if you are showing yourself the daily, consistent love of Nourishment, Boundaries and Connection you WILL be inspired and able to unleash your creativity. Because with a conscious, dedicated schedule that allows you to be more than just sustained but empowered you will refuse to put your hopes and dreams last.
Take your time with this project, big change is a gradual process. The first time you sit down to work on this you may feel frustrated by the blocks in your time or disappointed with what your current obligations and resources look like. Be patient, don’t shut down and encourage yourself to do what you can and then put it way to visit again soon. Expect to revisit this schedule many times as your needs and the needs of your family and other obligations shift.
Once you have a schedule you feel good about, guess what? You have a roadmap for supporting your child’s day to day schedule to love them back in a way that inspires their own creativity and most authentic self. Having a schedule that loves you means you have even more love to share with them and the patience and focus required to attend to them in a way that is truly present and supportive.
For those of you that want to take this project to the next level I recommend making a list of your personal values first. I find that looking up online, an actual list of values makes this easier, and then selecting values that resonate with you. Once you have your personal values list, find where you are able to honor these values in your schedule. When we can’t live and express our values we feel disconnected and weighted down. Making space in our schedule for our value system allows us to effortlessly model our values to our children and enjoy the enrichment that comes with them.
